I have a lot on my mind here lately and i know no one reads this any more so i figured, what the hell, why not sigh and let every thing go.

      I miss you, more than i thought i would, more than i really want to. I miss the way you smell, the sound of your voice, the way you made everything ok with just one hug. Sadly your the only thing i think about. You are my Lenore, and part of me hopes all you are is a whispered name in a black hallway. At the same time I do not wish to hear the raven tell me never more. I wish to wake in your warm arms and find this all a very bad dream, but i know that is not true. And i would not wish to lose our child to fufill such a selfish thing. I choose to keep my fetus, my baby, my child: even if that means i lose you. For there are thousands of "you" who would stay and love a child that they clearly know is not theirs. Oh, but you run, you run from what you say you wanted. So now i am the one keeping what i did not want and you give it all up.

   Work sucks, hardcore. it could always be worse though. . .

         I miss being at school, i really don't like living with my mom again. its awful! i would rather be living alone. . . and i HATE being alone!

 I can almost certainly clearly say that no one reads this anymore. and that makes me happy, because I would like to get this off my chest.... I FUCKING LOVE HIM!!! and I mean it. and that scares me more than anything else in life! I'm even willing to wait four, yes, 4 years for him to do what he wants to do. and he doesn't want me to. and it hurts cause I WANT to.

ok I feel alittle better. . . .kinda 

“Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly on a mountain

high, love makes us act like we are fool, throw our lives away for one

 happy day.”

            “ What is love, baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more”

            “Live bites, love bleeds, it’s taken me to my knees.”

            “Love is like oxygen, all you need is love”

            “Someone to love, someone like you, Oh love me true”

            “All you need is love, all you need is love, all you need is love, love, love is all you need.”

I’m cloud nine! I haven’t stopped smiling since last night! Nate came over after work around 7 and didn’t leave till around 9.  It only felt like 30 minuets maybe! I found out a lot about him, lol, and I finally saw Nathan with out a smile! It was kind of really scary!!

I finally got up the courage, and I told him that I loved him. And all he did was smile and kiss me, and when I asked him if he loved me, he laughed and said I make him completely happy and how could he not!

So I’ve been very happy, and I can’t keep my hands off his class ring! I’m also

 having huge ADHD moments; I can’t seem to focus on anything for very long,

 I’ve also been experiencing fits of uncontrollable laughter! This is the first

time I’ve been really happy in a very, very long time, and even though I’m

really happy, I’m scared to death! I’m afraid at any moment I’m going to wake

 up and he’s not going to be there, or he’s going to turn out to be a big jerk or

 something like that!  I just scared; I’m kind of regretting telling him that I love

him. Is that bad? I feel so exposed now. I’m even becoming uncomfortable

with the idea that I even said it! I’m just paranoid that this is going to end out

like my last relationship. I’m also kind of scared that this is going to end out

all right, and he’ll be the one. I’m just really confused about it all! I want to be

this happy all the time but I’m too scared to be. I keep wondering if he’s lied

to me, if he hasn’t, if he does like me, if he is interested, and a whole lot more

 ifs, ands, and buts! I hate this, I want him to hear it, I want to be able to say ‘I

LOVE YOU’ and not be scared, and not want to hide in a corner of a closet

with the lights out! I just don’t know. I’m scared because I’ve been hurt so bad

 from it, but why now. I thrust Nate more than I trust myself, and I’m not sure

why, and yes its scary! But its true. He’s the only person I have ever felt this

way about and I don’t know what to do. Or if I’m even feeling things right.  

                     ~<3~

                                 Steph =)   

   "It must be your skin, I'm sinking in. Must be for real, cause now I can feel." ~ Bush : Glycerine

Omg! I just have one thing on my mind and all it is, is one small question:

Can I keep you?

I just want to ask but I'm afraid I may not get an answer, or worse it might be NO!

But thats a silly little thing to worry about. Or is it?

But Peter worried about it when he asked Wendy. . .

Can I keep you?

What a childish thing to want to ask! But I want to ask it.

I feel like I should ask it, like itd be ok with him if I did ask it.

But what a childish thing I am . . .

Can I keep you?

I am not a Peter nor a Wendy, yet . . .

I feel this question. I breathe this question. I live this question. I am this question.

To me it is the sweetest thing that any one could ever say.

Can I keep you?

Its so simple yet it expresses so much, while never saying a thing.

Can I keep you?

It's strange that it seems to mean more to me than the phrase,

`I love you'

But "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet"

Can I keep you?

Is the only thing the Peter ever asked Wendy and ment.

So I guess what I'm really getting at is. . .

CAN I KEEP YOU?

~<3~

Steph =)

+ Known as: Stephanie


+ Born: August 3rd


+ Hair color: Naturally dark brown, but its dyed a blondish

+ Eye color: Blue/Green



SECTION 2 - HAVE YOU EVER...

+ Fallen off the bed?: When I was little


+ Broken someone else's heart?: Prolly


+ Had your heart broken?: yep


+ Had a dream come true?: Yea, all the time



SECTION 3 - CURRENTLY...

+ Wearing: Tight blue jeans, t-shirt, and a sweater


+ Listening to: ‘Oh Sherry’ lol its an ‘80s song


+ Located: Bed room


+ Chatting with: Nate


+ Watching: My screen, and the trees outside


+ Should REALLY be: Reading



SECTION 4 - DO YOU...

+ Do you brush your teeth? Yea


+ Have any piercings? 2 in each ear


+ Drive?: Dad won’t let me


+ Drink?: Sometimes


+ Have a cell phone?: I’d die without it!



SECTION 5 - THE LAST PERSON YOU...

+ Hugged: Brittany


+ IMed: Brittney


+ Talked with on the phone: Nate


SECTION 7 - PERSONAL...

+ What do you want to be when you grow up?: Chef


+ What comes first in your life?: My Edu, and everyone else


+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: Yes.


+ What are you most scared of?: Flunking out, hights and whats in the dark


+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: Nate cause he tells me good night every night


+ Did you lose someone you really loved?: Yea…

+ How many times have you FALLEN in love: Once!



SECTION 8 - FAVORITE...

+ Movie: Little Nemo, Beauty and the Beast, Moulin Rouge, . . .


+ Band: don’t really have one.


+ Store: don’t like to shop


+ Cousin: Um… don’t really have one, I get along with most of them


+ Sport: Rugby, Soccer, Racket Ball, Volleyball, Tennis


+ Food: Peanut Butter, Chocolate, baked potatoes


+ Candy: most of them lol


+ Day of the week: Saturday!


+ color: Don’t have one



SECTION 9 - DO YOU...

+ Like to give hugs?: I love to give hugs


+ Like to walk in the rain?: Depends on who I’m walking with


+ Prefer black or blue?: either


+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: All, I’m a crazy sleeper


+ Have a goldfish?: I think I HAD one once


+ Ever have the falling dream?: Yea


+ Have stuffed animals?: A lot of them



SECTION 11 - THIS OR THAT...

+ Pierced nose or tongue?: Nose


+ MTV or BET?: either


+ 7th heaven or dawsons creek?: If it were life or death, I may watch 7^th heaven, but death would be nicer!


+ Chocolate or flowers?: neither


+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: Both


+ Stay up late or sleep in?: Stay up late and then sleep in.


+ Hot or cold?: either, but I don’t like them


+ Sun or moon?: Moon!, but the suns nice too


+ Left or Right?: Right.


+ 10 Acquaintances or one best friend?: All!


+ Mustard or ketchup?: neither


+ Spring or Fall?: Both


+ Happy or sad: Doesn’t matter


+ Wonder or amazement? Wonder


+ McDonald's or Burger King?: Either but the BK Lounge is better! It’s a blasty blast!!!


+ Mexican or Italian food? Mexican, but they are both good

FIRSTS

First best friend: Aimee


First screen name: tuffstuff1a


First self purchased CD:  Emeinnem (sp)


First pets: Kitten Cat


First piercing/tattoo: Ears



LASTS

Last car ride: ½ hour ago


Last good cry: Last Sat. night


Last crush: Now


Last phone call: last night


Last time showered: Thursday night, I was too lazy to take one last night


Last shoes worn: Batman Converse


Last Song played: ‘Our Song’ Taylor Swift


Last item bought: Razors


Last annoyance: My Sister


Last website visited: Blogdrive


Last word/s you said: “What does it look like I’m doing, Bitch!”

Last song you sang: ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ Billy Ray!!!


What's under your bed?: My sister’s bed!


What time did you wake up today?: 10:47


Current mood: Lonely


current food: None, I’m in my no eating mood lol


Current hair: Short and blondish


Current annoyance(s): Radio announcers


Current hate: Dry skin!



Appearance
[] I am shorter than 5'4.


[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.


[x] I have many scars.


[x] I tan easily.


[] I wish my hair was a different color.


[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.


[] I have a tattoo.


[] I have/I've had braces.


[] I wear glasses/contacts

[] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.


[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.


[x] I have more than 2 piercings.


[] I have had piercings in places besides my ears.


[x] I have/had freckles.



Family/Home Life

[] I've run away from home

[] I've been kicked out of the house.


[] My biological parents are together.


[] I have a sibling less than one year old.


[] I want to have kids.


[] I've had children.


[] I've lost a child.


School/Work

[x] I'm in school.


[] I have a job.


[] I've fallen asleep at work/school.


[/] I almost always do my homework.


[x] I've missed a week or more of school.


[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.


[] I failed more than 1 class last year.


[] I've stolen something from my job
[] I've been fired.



Embarrassment

[/] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.


[/] Disney movies still make me cry.


[x] I've peed from laughing.


[x] I've snorted while laughing.


[] I've laughed so hard I've cried.


[] I've glued my hand to something

[] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.


[/] I've had my pants rip/drop in public.



Health

[/ idk] I was born with a disease/impairment.


[] I've gotten stitches.


[] I've broken a bone.


[] I've had my tonsils removed.


[/] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.


[] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.


[] I had a serious surgery.


[x] I've had chicken pox.



Traveling

[xx] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.


[] I've been on a plane.


[] I've been to Canada.


[] I've been to Mexico.


[] I've been to Niagara Falls.


[] I've been to Japan.


[] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.


[] I've been to Europe.


[] I've been to Africa.



Experiences

[] I've gotten lost in my city.


[x] I've seen a shooting star.


[x] I've wished on a shooting star.


[] I've seen a meteor shower.


[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.


[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.


[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts
[] I've been to a casino.


[] I've been skydiving.


[/] I've gone skinny dipping.


[/] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.


[] I've crashed a car.


[] I've been Skiing
[/] I've been in a play.


[] I've met someone in person from the internet.


[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.


[/] I've seen the Northern Lights.


[] I've sat on a roof top at night.


[] I've played chicken.


[x] I've played a prank on someone.


[] I've ridden in a taxi.


[xxxx] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.


[x] I've eaten Sushi.


[] I've been snowboarding.



Honesty/Crime

[xx] I have lied to my parents about where I am.


[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.


[x] I've cheated while playing a game.


[x] I've cheated on a test.


[/] I've run a red light.


[] I've been suspended from school.


[/] I've been arrested.



Death and Suicide

[] I'm afraid of dying.


[xx] I hate funerals.


[] I've seen someone dying.


[] Someone close to me has committed suicide.


[] I've attempted suicide.


[] I've written a eulogy for myself.



Materialism

[] I own over 5 rap CDs.


[x] I own iPod or MP3 player.


[] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.


[] I own a real designer purse
[] I own an accesory other than a purse from a designer
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.


[] I own something from Pac Sun.


[] I collect comic books.


[] I own something from The Gap.


[x] I own something I got on e-bay.


[] Majority of my closet is abercrombie/hollister

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